Love

So I'm trying to stop hating myself, but I cant. Every time I look in the mirror I want to die. I wish that I was strong enough to lose the weight, but I just can't. I'm such a fucking weakling, and I hate myself for it.
I don't even know why anyone talks to me. I'm such a failure. I'm a selfish bitch, I complain all the time, and I'm really depressing. Plus, I never follow through.
I've been flirting hardcore with Libby, making promises I cant keep. I am a Christian now, and as much as I seem unchanged, this is the one thing I won't sway on. No sex. I just can't do it right now. I'm not ready.
I kinda hate myself for saying that, but I'm not going to lie. All of my other morals have been compromised, at least I can keep my girl virginity.
I know that's going to put a damper on things at Libby's party, but I don't mind. I really just can't do it.
I don't know what to say.
I'm starting my 24 hour fast today. Yesterday I failed, but today I will succeed. If I don't think about how long I have to go, I could fast forever. I want to. I can't wait till I move out, so I won't have any food in my house and I'll just stop eating altogether.
Sometimes I hear about pro-ana people having to wear alot of layers and stuff because people around them are getting suspicious. I'm not skinny enough for people to be suspicious. They think fat people can't be anorexic. hah.


Libby, babe, I love you.
"I know your love is true
It's not just sex for you
It's the first time that I felt this way in a long time
And it's something I could get used to."
-Making Love, NeverShoutNever