Yesterday totaled out to around 395 calories, and was not a total fail.
This morning I couldn’t get over how SKINNY I looked!!
For breakfast I had a slice of thick homemade bread with cheese and blueberries on top.
Blueberry cheesy toast may sound disgusting, but it’s actually a great combo.
The tangy sweetness of the berries compliments the saltiness of the cheese and the thickness of the bread.
I have found my new food obsession. :)

Living

I’m taking life one day at a time. I had 20 calories of pretzel balls, 130 calories of crinkle cut fries, and 25 calories of a sour candy thing. So in total, I’ve eaten 175 calories. That’s pretty good! I love life today! <3
My hair is brown/green J
I’ll redo it tonight so that it looks better, more brown less green, but I am too busy right now. J soon my dad will pick me up, so I can go home and eat and stuff. I’m on the long road to recovery J

Papa Roach

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I'm in a Committed Relationship to Being Single

I would kill myself, but that would make them feel guilty, wouldn't it? Or at least, if they cared. I don't want to give them the satisfaction. I'll die slowly; my habits will kill me sooner or later. So I'll just drink and smoke and puke and starve and cut, because it's who I am. I don't know any better.
I did once, but she's gone now.


And yet, alot of the time, I'm just fine, and happy, and it doesn't bother me at all. It only bothers me when I know that she still thinks I would ever cheat on her. With Eliana. Kristin knows that Eliana was flirting with me. I read Kristin the messages. I never understand why when someone is accused of cheating, it is only the fault of the person in the relationship. What about Eliana and her flirting? She knew I was in a relationship, and still had the audacity to chat me on facebook and flirt it up. Tha fuck?!


Okay, moving on. People are stupid, and I'm sticking to guys from now on. If I ever date again. For now, I really like being single. And I know that I just bitched about the drama, but to be honest, I just don't like people thinking things about me that aren't true.

Moving on AGAIN. I'm losing weight steadily again :) I will get there :)

Poetic Mood

I wrote this a long time ago...
Please excuse my excess use of poetic language today, I’m not myself.
Today is Beautiful. The fog, settling itself down upon the town like a mother bird settles herself upon the nest, but that sounds too loving. Like a dragon curls itself up to wait for prey, scales rustling, puffs of smoke curling from its nostrils.
The fog settles on this town like a disease, like a suffocating blanket, seemingly comforting at first with your head under the covers, until you cannot breathe. Except you cannot throw the covers back and escape, you just have to endure. Or die.
The weather reminds me of the movie The Mist. If you haven’t seen that movie, I’m not going to explain. Just go and rent and watch it. Seriously, it changed my life.

Any who, so I had hot chocolate this morning along with my ten usual pills. Im so tired of taking pills. Ugh. I wish I was good enough without them.
I take:

·           5 Concerta:

o     Three 36 mgs and two 15 mgs

o     For ADHD

·           2 Zoloft

o     Two 36 mgs

o     For OCD

·           1 Lithium

o     15 mg because not only is it strong, it’s a poison. This stuff is in batteries.

o     For Bipolar Disorder

·           2 Topamax

o     Two 15 mgs

o     For Bipolar Disorder

Yeah, plus some vitamins and such… L
I’m convinced that God hates me sometimes.

The sky looks lonely without the blue
And I’m so lonely without you
The world is grey,
The color gone,
And without you,
I can’t go on.
My eyes are closed,
They cannot see,
And yet life’s right in front of me.
The sky is grey,
And lonely too,
Yet mine is blue when I’m with you.

The world is finally spinning
In the right direction
No longer do I need to glance over my shoulder
I finally can smile and no longer need tears
Everything feels right for once
I swear I can't stop this contagious smile
From overtaking me
I love the elated emotion that courses through my veins
I am finally happy
Finally happy
And you know it's because of her
She's the best thing that could happen to me
I just smile and smile and smile
I can't stop
Why should I?
My life has taken a turn for the better
I couldn't be happier

My hair is ridiculously frizzy and disgusting today, due both to the humid, wet, foggy air, and the fact that I was too lazy to try today. It’s quite comical, seeing as last night it was so gorgeously curly, like it used to be. I wish I had super long hair, like… at least down to my ass, then I’ll be happy. Well, I mean, I’ll still be fat, but at least it can hide me more. I wish I could die. I hate myself. I really want to die. I’m so sick and disgusting. I just want to be like all of those other kids, the pretty ones. The smart ones. The SKINNY ones. I hate how disjointed and jumbled this post is.
I wish it was Christmas break already. I still need to Christmas shop. Shop till you drop. Do do a dollop of daisy. Daisy daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy over the likes of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage. I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two. Two of a kind two of a kind, yeah yeah yeah. I am in misery; there ain’t no body who can comfort me. Oh yeah, girl you really got me bad. You really got me bad. I’m gonna get you back, I’m gonna get you back.

“You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains… you say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines… you say that you love the wind, but you close your window when the wind blows… this is why I am afraid; you say that you love me too.”

-     William Shakespeare

You're a Jerk

I know xD

Breakup means happy?

I've never been in a mood this good. :)
I hope they're happy together, beauty and the bitch.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write a song, which i havent done since last march :)