Thinking (from Monday morning)

Thinking
Who would I be if I did what I wanted?
Who am I now?
Am I a total fake?
If I do things just so I don't hurt people, I just hurt other people.
And myself. Not that I matter.


This was a major binge weekend, because I was staying at my grandma's house. I want to move in permanently, but the only thing stopping me is the fact that I eat so much when I'm there. Normally I feel like when people think I should eat, I don't, and when they think I shouldn't, I do. I think it's my inner rebel. But at my grandma's, it's different. At her house, she offers, and I accept because I don’t want her to feel bad. Plus, she has all of my favorite food at her house. On Sunday before my parents came home we went grocery shopping and I found myself acting like a little kid, and begging her for candy. If I ever need rehab, that’s where I'll go.


Wow Morgan. Stop talking about yourself. Move the fuck on.
This is a blog… it’s about me.
My nails are pink *shudders* I chipped the paint off of my pointer finger and thumb of my right hand.


So I gained a lot of weight. I'm back at 108 what the fuck. I hate myself. Oh well. It's always darkest before the dawn. On the bright side, HALLOWEEN A WEEK FROM TODAY! Fuck I love Halloween. Even if it is all about candy. I don't have to EAT any...
Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday, because I get to be creepy and slutty and am rewarded for it with candy :P Way to go parents, it's a rite of passage, blah blah blah, fuck that, I want to wear a corset and run around getting paid for it. Everyone's a porn star on Halloween.
This month I am performing in a pirate show at a pumpkin patch at my church. We perform every Friday and Saturday of this month. Afterwards we hang around the pumpkin patch until it closes. Sunday night we went to sonic and then Hastings, we being Me, Kenzie, Eliana, Brent, Hector, and I forget. She doesn’t like me anyway. It was really awkward.
I don’t want to talk about it.


I just want to feel like I’m doing something right. I haven’t felt like that in a long time.


I miss my brother. Man I really need him. He’s the only one who makes stuff make sense. I love him to pieces.


I’ve turned into such a hipster lately; and a pothead. My mom doesn’t know the meaning of the word hemp; she thinks it’s just some good for the environment stuff. She was in California this weekend, and she bought a bunch of hemp stuff. Hemp tea, hemp honey… I hope she never learns that word.


You know how you can smell something and it makes you think of someone? I can smell my old friend Kelsey. It’s really strange.


My morality professor just assigned the worst assignment ever. He assigned 2/3rds of a page of writing about Spiritual Gifts. What does that even MEAN?!?! It has to be in 3^rd person, because no one knows how to do that.


I had a crazy psycho dream last night, but all I can remember is a crazy fat guy in a business suit. I barely got any sleep over it. I’m exhausted now, and I honestly don’t feel like I can do all of the crazy shit I need to do today.


WHY IS IT SO FUCKING COLD!


Peace. Love. Herb.


“I am a fake;
 a constant go getter of fate.”
-Time Travel, NeverShoutNever