Surreal (from Thursday. I really gotta start posting these on the right days)

I feel like today is almost like a fake, strange version of a normal day.


When I woke up this morning, it was freezing cold. Literally. I could see my breath. I didn’t get up for quite some time. When I finally awoke I made a deal with myself that I would hurriedly get ready and then curl back up in bed. I didn’t put on any makeup, brushed my teeth, put in my retainer, put on a bra and underwear, my uniform shirt, and the shorts that go under my skirt. I ran back and brushed my hair, then curled back up in my bed, with flannel sheets, a fleece and extremely warm furry-ish blanket, and my comforter on top of me. I also was snuggling under the covers with my Hippo, and a heating pad on high. Freezing.


I forced myself out of bed at 7:40, put on my skirt and sweatshirt, got my stuff together, put socks and shoes on, and went downstairs, calling for my dad to come down. My mom told me she forgot to pack me a lunch, and I said I had money. My dad let me drive to school today, and I think I did really well. I don’t know what it is about driving with my mom that causes me to make so many mistakes. I rarely mess up when I’m with my dad. Anyways, we got to school, joked our way through prayer, I did my English homework during physics (therefore falling FARTHER behind in physics, but oh well), went to English, aced the test, went to weight training, impressed everyone with my limbo skills, went to Morality, kept my mouth shut, went to Choir, sang till my throat hurt (which lately takes about 2 notes…), went to lunch, I love my table. Now I’m in history, were we never actually do anything, and then get tested on it. After this is Algebra, where I am so lost and behind I don’t think I will ever pull through. I’ve lost my $80 calculator, so I’m going to fail.


My hands feel numb, and everything today feels…. Like a slightly warped version of what it should be. The pain of hunger and cramps in my stomach, mixed with my rib, are almost too much. Even now, my head feels swirled inside, like someone just stirred it with a mixing spoon.


I have no idea how much I weigh, I hate weighing myself, or looking at myself, while Tom is in town. I look fatter. It’s disgusting. As soon as my rib heals, I’m going to celebrate by doing sit-ups until I puke.


“Nothing is real,
I know this ‘cause I made a deal
with the devil. he told me that I
was just wasting my time
on the moon.”
-Time Travel, NeverShoutNever