Symptoms?

So I don’t exactly know what to talk about today… last night my mom told me I have a muffin top and some other fat like love handles and thighs and stuff, so no food today. I want to try for all day. If I can make it all day, maybe I can lose a pound. I’ve been feeling extremely weak lately, as in it is a major effort to pick up my arm up. I don’t understand why I’m having so much trouble with this. Last year I weighed less and ate less than I do this year, but somehow I’m weak and almost fainting and not sleeping and freezing cold all the time. I don’t know how I’m getting all the anorexia symptoms so soon, I haven’t even lost that much weight, last year I weighed 98, and stayed stuck there for a really long time. This year I’m actually losing weight, but all I’m doing is the EXACT SAME THING I did last year. This doesn’t make sense. I did used to eat a lot at home, and only got really controlled at the end of the school year, and then during summer, as I’ve said before, I pigged out. This year I slammed back into the diet, and its taking a toll.

Yesterday I sat out in the courtyard with some friends at lunch, and it was nice. I was so tired… today I sat in the cafeteria with Stephen and his friends for lunch. I didn’t eat of course, but I found it amusing at least. I haven’t seen my “girlfriend” in forever. I think she hates me now, but who doesn’t?

Patrick gave me a ride home yesterday. We hung out in my house and talked. He tried to convince me to eat more. Hah. Not gonna happen.

“your only as tall
as your heart will let you be
and your only as small
 as the world will make you seem
and when the going gets rough
and you feel like you may fall
just look on the bright side
your roughly six feet tall”

-On the Brightside, NeverShoutNever