Summer

I spent my summer busy.
First I went to Utah for two weeks, to our family cabin up there.
Had a blast hiking and stuff. No scale. Ate a lot.
Next went to Virginia for about a week with my Grandpa.
Had to eat a lot to convince my depressed Great Great Aunt Evelyn to eat, her daughter had recently died.
Next I went to San Francisco for ten days for SuperCamp.
Best time of my life.
I mean, I cannot even begin to explain... augh. Amazing
Mandatory meals and everyone was piling up food so I had to eat or stand out. More.
Straight from there to finish off my month in California in Long Beach, where I was born.
I did a Drama Invitational there.
They pick the best girl and the best boy from each state and sent them all up to this place for two weeks.
At the end of the two weeks we have to put on a showcase.
I was more of a counselor than anything, since I was the oldest by far.
Finally went home after that. For about 2 days.
Then off to Seattle for my cousin's wedding.
Then home for a bit before off to Utah again for a memorial service that I don’t want to talk about.
School started Monday the 15^th.
I hate my school. I’m a junior this year.
I hate uniforms and having to pray and learn about Jesus, who hates me right now.
I hate my teachers, and my classes and lunch. I especially hate lunch.
The cafeteria is so awkward. I have no one to sit with. I try to skip out wherever I can. In the band room, or Mr. Coffeen’s classroom, that’s usually where I end up.
Am I that horrible that no one will sit with me anymore?

Today is my birthday.
I am seventeen.
I weigh a little less than 113.
I haven’t weighed myself since the doctor's office because I’m scared.
Ive been living on V8 for the past 3 days, and avoiding the cafeteria like the plague.
I have to eat dinner, but I wait as long as possible so I can feel the delicious hunger burning in my stomach.
I eat a little something for breakfast every morning because if you don't your metabolism gets all out of wack and you lose weight slower.
I did my hair :)
It is bleach blonde now, with curls in the front going towards my face and a blue headband to hold back my bangs.
I injured my wrist, and have to wear a wrap on it until we know what is wrong.
This gives me an excuse to cut on that wrist, because it is covered.
The only problem? It is my right hand, and I write with it.
Ah well.
My birthday party is tonight.
We are going to see the movie Fright Night, because I’m finally old enough to buy a ticket.
Afterwards were going to my house to paarrrrty!
Imma get stoned and drunk, Hopefully, If not at my party, at least sometime this weekend, to forget my problems.
My current "girlfriend" (we aren’t technically dating) can’t go to my party.
She is also one of my best friend's exes. (She’s still in love with my girlfriend)... Does that make me a whore? The problem is, I’m still in love with my ex. es. Two of them... and a boy sitting on my left right now.
And my girlfriend. The problem is my girlfriend just assumes that because I love her I want to be physical. I’m not good at physical.
I wish I could break up with her, to save my friendship and to.... gather my sanity. I’m so confused...

Fuckit.
It’s my birthday; it’s time to fuck shit up :)